you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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