It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
