why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We got so high we made milksteak
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize