I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
