fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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