Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
