If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
