well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I want is dick and wine.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
