doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
