I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why do cheetos always look like penises
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
