i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
