there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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