I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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