im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize