If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
