The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
