Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
