Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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