Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
