Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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