pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am available for nakedness
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
