I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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