rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize