Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
