when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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