woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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