I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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