I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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