This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
