i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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