sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You are the jesus of drinking
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