weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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