my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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