probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
