He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
