so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
