just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I die, sorry about rent.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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