honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
