The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
