So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
