just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
