How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
