what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
