the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
