You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
