he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
