Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize