Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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