You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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