I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
