i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize