Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
