If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
