Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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