We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
