tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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