what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
