my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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