He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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