I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
