It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
