would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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