i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize